I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
