I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
