So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
