Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
