maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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