Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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