terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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