Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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