laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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