tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
