i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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