In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
