I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
