I wish you could order shots online.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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