In the future we'll all be gay
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
