I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
