It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
