she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
