I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
