Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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