So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
