Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
