I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
