I'm pants shitting drunk right now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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