happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
