Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there's paper in my vomit.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
