careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
