i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
