Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have aggressive nipples.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
