so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
