She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
