Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
