I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
