How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
