I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im part way to drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
