I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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