remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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