I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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