Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
