Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
