She's JV to your varsity
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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