I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
