i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
