Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize