i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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