I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
