I haven't been this sober since birth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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