My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
