Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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