i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We smell like vodka and hangover
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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