Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
