I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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