They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
