Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
