i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
