Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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