good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
