no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
