then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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