I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
