I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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